Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
