sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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