I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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