Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
