please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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