My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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