....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
