Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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