i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
