it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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