I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
