What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
