I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
