So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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