Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
