dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Still dying that you shit outside
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
