I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
