they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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