I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
