Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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