I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
