I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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