just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said her name was "party"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
