First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
