mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
