I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
