Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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