how can u be prego again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
