High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
