So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
