I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
