You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
