New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
