That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
