I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
