i think my mom watched the whole time
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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