People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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