I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
