Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
