Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
