dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
