Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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