i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
