so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's paint friendship bongs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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