I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
