My room smells like vodka and shame
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
