He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
