We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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