I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The Olympian is in my bed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
