dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this hospital has no fireball
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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