it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
